This topic is hard to write about right now because I am very stressed. It is hard to think about something wise I may have done in the past 49 weeks when this week feels full of stupidity and bad decisions. I am hoping the decisions I make over the next week will be the wisdom legacy I leave for this year.
But they may not. They could lead to a very stressful beginning to 2011.
So in case everything does indeed go to hell, the wisest decision I have already made so far this year, I think... had to do with the people I have let into my life, and let go of...
(continued after the photos)
This year I have reconnected with a lot of people who left my life for various reasons over the past 2 - 16 years. The circumstances and connections have been sometimes simply absurd.
People I never really knew 16 years ago are suddenly back in my life. We would not have had much in common back then - but we do now.
Other people who I cut out of my life for various reasons 2 years ago, are now back in my life. I've also ended relationships with a lot of people this year.
People change. Not always in compatible ways.
I also decided to meet a person I've known on Twitter for several years - in real life. I told them that we know far too much about each other for two people who have never met. So we met.
I met this person at a point in my life where I was feeling as if I was not connecting with anyone. Conversations were lacking interest and depth.. and I was getting frustrated with many people in my life. As I was waiting for them in a coffee shop I wrote in my journal something to the effect that I was hoping they were not going to be another lame person in my life.
And they have not been (yet :)
This person, unbeknownst to them (until, if.. They read this) restored my faith that there are people who I feel I can connect with on a similar level in this often isolating city. (that's what the photos of Toronto in this post are supposed to try to convey)
And at that time, I really needed that.
I met them right at the start of when I was making connections with people who had left my life 16 years ago. I've since formed "deeper than superficial" friendships with all of these people.
All these connections happened quickly and fairly close together.
So what does all of this rambling have to do with wisdom?
The older I get - the more I feel I am able to figure out and define what I want and what I need in my life. And the more I figure this stuff out - the more I realize how different those things are.
And I'm slowly, but surely - learning that I need to go after what I know I need. I am learning to want what I need.
I don't really *want* much in a material sense. But the things I do want do not make me happy for more than fleeting moments.
The things I need are not superficial. They are not easy. But they are worth the effort - and when my life is full of the things I need - I am closer to happiness than I have ever been.
Same goes with people - the people I (think I) want in my life, I seem to want most of them for all the wrong reasons. The people I need - they are not all easy people to have in my life for various reasons - but they have qualities that provide me with things that fill me up for more than fleeting moments.
/<.
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